Just now my dad came in- just as suspected.

Dad: i'm sorry if what I said upset you. We would really like it if you came down and watched the TV with us.

Me: No thanks, I dont want to (NOT A HINT OF SARCASM)

Dad: why?

Me: (genuine) I'm fine up here

Dad: (walking away with vehemence in his voice.) I tried my best, you're just a spoilt little child who burnt the house down*


It doesn't seem like much. It's just words and not very powerful ones at that. But it hurts enough. Enough to make me sit here and cry.

*context: I had left my hair curlers on a couple of days ago and they slightly singed my heat protective cover. They would have automatically turned off after an hour anyway, but my dad lords it over me and everyone else that he turned them off.

Hormonal Teen

I'm the teen in this house. I'm also a teenage girl, so aren't I allowed to be a little bit tetchy at times when people have a go at me? Am I not allowed to be a hormonal mess? Because I thought that was one of the privileges of being a teenage girl. The one allowance. The one thing that makes everything suck a little less... apparently I have been stripped of that, too. Along side my innocence.
So what if I want to sit in my room on my laptop for a while just to get away from everything that annoys me and sets off my tetchy side? What right do my parents have to force me to go back downstairs? Surely removing myself from the situation is better than gradually getting more agitated and risking snapping at someone. Though nobody seems to see it that way. The way they see it, I'm in a huff. I'm not. I just want some peace and quiet, where I can be alone.
It doesn't help that they worship the ground my brother walks on. He works me up to the point where I say something in response, causing him to walk off. This then, causes my parents to have a go at me for upsetting their beloved son, whilst not caring about how I might be feeling.
Not only that, but he acts an authority figure over me, constantly telling me to not do something or condescending me in general. My parents lap it up, like puppy dogs. They back his ideas and thoughts at every twist and turn, acting like he is a prodigy or something.

I'd better go.

Cycle

Its happening again. I hate it. I feel... I dont know. But its not a guy this time. Guys i can handle. This time its me. And i hate me for it.

Dear Guys

Dear guys who cheat:

Falling, again?

Is it allowed? To fall for someone again? Or even worse, not knowing or wanting to fall for them again.

Why can't I ever be satified with being friends with a guy? I will always like them *in that way* or at least, think I do.

So I dont know what to do. I have caused so much pain to him already and persuaded myself that i hated him. Then we talked again. For the first time in over six months it was still there . IT.

I have to stop myself, I know i do, I want to. After everything, I know that it would mever last again. Besides, I want to take a break from guys. Theyre all jerks anyway.

Happy New Year

It's a new year. A new start. Whatever has happened in the past year can stay in the past because we don't have to carry that weight around with us.

Undiniabley, 2012 has been an amazing year for me, despite the depression mid december. I can only look back at the year with fondness and wonder if another year can be anywhere near as good as this one.

I hope so. I will be doing all I can to psh myself to be the best that I can be and be better than everyone expects me to be. A better friend. A better girlfriend. A better sister. A better daughter. A better me.

So wish me luck.